The staff at the Tribune and Times have received several phone calls in recent weeks from readers upset with issues such as trivia games which have the wrong answers listed or part of the crossword puzzles missing clues. The staff has taken these concerns seriously and noted other such issues.
For example, in the November 30 edition where Publisher Dennis Minich was sharing his profound wisdom about winter weather forecasting, a giant white space mysteriously covered a large chunk of his verbiage. It was something Minich, nor anyone on the staff, had ever seen before.
Minich, feeling rightfully irked that readers had been deprived of his profound insight, immediately confronted Editor Jimmy Gillispie. Questions were asked, lie detectors were employed and menacing glares were made, yet no issues could be found with Gillispie’s design work or issues created at the printing company.
No answers were found.
Things seemed to come to a head in last week’s edition when the weekly word search, which was supposed to have the theme of “Christmas Songs” but it was replaced by a “Summer Vacation” puzzle. While the thoughts of summertime brought a slight reprieve to the daily tedium of the paper, such wanton acts of vandalism are no laughing matter.
Still seeking answers, similar problems were found in this week’s paper. Despite their discovery, no corrective actions could be taken so you might find the flag of the paper on 1A was changed from its traditional blue and purple to red and green. Additionally, this week’s word search was mysteriously flopped upside down.
“We take pride in being as correct and mistake free as we can be every week, but the obvious mistakes keep adding up and were frustrating,” Gillispie said. “Now, we are catching errors, but every time we attempt to correct them, they just mysteriously revert back. We are at a loss of what to do..”
Unable to find the problem, despite exhaustive work by the staff, IT consultants and a group of fourth graders, it was decided law enforcement might need to become involved. Staff contacted the local police, sheriff’s office, highway patrol, FBI, CIA, Secret Service, IRS, Interpol and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in hopes of finding some answers.
After exhaustive efforts, it was discovered that similar issues of public nuisance had been reported by other businesses and individuals. And recently, an arrest had been made. The culprit turned out to be a mysterious drifter, adorned in green with red and white striped socks, appearing almost elfish. During booking, cookie-stained fingerprints revealed the perp was none other than Rascal Imp, a self-described elf who listed “North of Here” as his home address.
Further investigations by police agencies determined Imp had been dismissed from Kringle Industries last year after being accused of frivolity and mischievousness “unbecoming of a toymaker.”
Imp immediately confessed to the recent hijinks and as part of a plea agreement, offered his services as somewhat of a computer savant to help the Tribune and Times create a new, bigger, livelier and more interactive website. He agreed telling the circuit judge from Arctos, “readers will love and be able to interact more easily, find more stories and be happier and smarter.”
The site is active now, and it includes many new and exciting features. There will be many more photos on the new site and photo galleries to view, in addition to many new features to come down the road.
After redesigning the newspaper website Imp, was last seen again heading north with an old man wearing bright red. Although Imp has been warned to mind his manners in the future, the staff of the Tribune and Times has been warned he might sneak back at any time, so special attention will be necessary, especially watching shelves.
